I think in the bible it goes something like this. God created man (Adam), then God created woman (Eve). Then, I believe, what must have happened next is God created more women. Otherwise, Eve could never have tolerated Adam, much less procreate with him. Can you imagine ladies, being married to your hubby (yes they are great), but not having your girlfriends to chat with, to share with, to connect with, to guy bash with? For me, it just wouldn't work. Women have a certain connection, sense of empathy, understanding that men just don't have. For most men (not all) empathy, understanding, even expressing emotions, just don't come easily or naturally. I realize these are generalizations, and they are just that, generalizations. So if your husband, brother, father, boyfriend, whatever is perfect and has all of these qualities, then that's great for you. For the rest of us, we couldn't survive without some female bonds.
I have no attraction or physical desire for another woman. But I can understand why two women would be together. Can you imagine? Most women are very intuitive, know when somethings wrong without having to ask, empathy and emotion come natural. So I can only imagine with two women in a relationship, the communication and understanding must be wonderful. You probably don't hear this in a lesbian relationship, "I can't read your mind, you have to tell me what you want." There's probably never a small kitchen appliance given as a gift, women just know better. A women would never ask another woman, "do I look fat in this dress," and get this in response, "I don't know?" AAAAAAAYYYYYYYY, WRONG ANSWER. Then you throw your shoe at them. Don't get me wrong, I love my man. But even if you were married to George Clooney, mmmmm, aaaaaah, uhhhhhh...um-hum sorry, what was I saying? Oh that's right, even if you were married to George Clooney, without a doubt you'd still need your girlfriends (perhaps not as much, though).
I believe we all have friends for different reasons. There's the go to friend, the one you can go to with or about anything, she's always there. There's the mom friend, the one you share a friendship and connection with because she's a mom and has kids your kids age. There's the party friend, the one that's guaranteed to always have fun and make you laugh. There's the sister friend, the coworker friend, the neighbor friend, the gossiping with friend, the childhood friend, I can go on and on. Sometimes all of these friends are rolled up into one or two people, but more likely into several. My best friends have helped me through motherhood, the loss of my dad, grief, illness and medical diagnoses, and problems in my marriage. Sometimes I wonder why I pay for a therapist, my "go to" friends do just as well, if not better because they know me so well. One of my very best friends and I joke that we are like therapists for each other. We have such similar personalities in most ways and sometimes share similar problems at the same time. Whether it's something we're struggling with in our marriage, struggles with parenting, trying to remember our former selves, feeling just a muck, it's rather uncanny. For myself, it's my friends, the times we share, the bonds we share, the chats we have, that get me through life. I couldn't live without my husband or my kids, they are my life. But my girlfriends, my girlfriends, also hold a very special place in my life and in my heart. Til' next time, carry on.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Friday, February 29, 2008
I need Supernanny
If Supernanny Jo Frost is out there and willing to give advice without having to display my families downfalls, and misguided parenting on national TV for the world to see, then please CALL ME.
I have two beautiful boys that are my life, they mean everything to me. After my first son Sam was born and was so easy going, good natured, well behaved, my husband and I thought, this parenting thing is a piece of cake, let's have another. So we did, we had our handsome, strong willed, expressive, loving, funny Jack. God love him. After about a year, we discovered much to our dismay, that we really had no idea what the heck we were doing in the parenting arena. Sam just happened to be "easy" and it had nothing to do with us or our wonderful parenting skills, darn it. That whole nature vs. nurture argument, I tend to lean towards the nature side. Don't get me wrong, I think parents are an essential part in molding, and teaching good behavior, morals and values and have a very significant impact on how their children will be as adults. But I also believe each child is different and comes with their own characteristics, personality traits and ways that are uniquely theirs. How else can two people have two children of the same sex, that are completely different? And would we even want them not to be different? The world we be a very boring place if everyone was the same. I love my children for their differences, they are both unique individuals who have wonderful traits and qualities about them.
Before I go on, I want to say what a loving, smart, talkative, charismatic little guy my Jack is. He is one of the funniest kids you could ever meet. He says and does the darnedest things. His latest, he's adopted some new phrases he likes to use. Not for any real reason, he just says them out of the blue. It's quite funny to be driving along and hear a little boy in the back saying out loud, but to no one in particular, "for crying out loud," (hmm wonder where he's heard that), or "SNUG as a BUG in a RUG," (emphasizing the caps). Also he does this rolling the eyes thing, that if he were a teenager you'd want to smack him, but from a two year old it's quite funny to say something he thinks is silly or has no meaning and have him roll his eyes to the side and grin. When he's asked a question, he looks up to the ceiling, puts his index finger on his cheek as if pondering life's most important questions and says, "ummmm, I can't remember." It's too darn funny, he's a hoot. I really couldn't ask for more. I have two healthy boys, that's the most important thing, bottom line. But at the same time, I need serious help with my precious little Jack. I want him to do well in school, have friends, and grow up to be a thriving, essential, good human being. I'll never forget the first time he had a temper tantrum. It was at home (thank god) on our kitchen floor and he was about 15 months old. Never having witnessed one myself because my older son had never had a tantrum before, you can imagine my shock and horror. My baby had morphed from cute little toddler, to Linda Blair from The Exorcist, minus the projectile green vomit and 180 degree head rotation, right before my very eyes. He was on the floor, like a limp noodle, kicking and screaming. What the hell is that, I thought to myself. Since then there have been many, many more just the same. I may sound light hearted and humorous about it and to some degree I am (sometimes humor is what gets you thru it) but now I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do. Minus corporal punishment, we've tried all the conventional techniques of disciplining. Positive reinforcement, ignoring bad behavior, taking toys/privileges away, and time out. At first I thought time out was the solution. In fact, Jack seems to like the 2 minutes of down time sometimes in the time out corner. He will seem so remorseful and say with the cutest, sincerest voice, " I'm sooooo sorry mom." Ahhh, I just want to melt. Cut to five minutes later, and he's doing the exact same thing that sent him to time out in the first place. It doesn't seem to sink in. I realize this is probably more my problem than his, something I'm doing is negating, encouraging, or allowing this to happen, that's why I'm asking for help. I've even been known to ward off near tantrums in other peoples kids easily using different techniques. Distraction, silly faces, silly talk, songs, even finding some hidden treasure in the crumb filled corners of my purse. These same things, just aren't as effective on my own child. I don't want my little Jack to be "the bad kid." Partly because I think children can start to live up to your expectations of them, even if, or especially if, they are negative. And partly because I don't think he's a bad kid, maybe I'm just a bad parent in that I don't know how to handle him or handle his behavior, maybe I'm doing it all wrong or even worse, causing it. Does that make sense? I feel guilty even talking about this. Recently a friend asked me, after seeing Jack's behavior in full swing, if I'd talked to my pediatrician about him, that maybe there was something wrong with him. I wasn't upset about that comment, but it did get me to thinking. I can't say it's never crossed my mind, maybe thinking he's possibly got a little ADHD. But after much pondering, I don't think that's it. He's smart, he can focus when he wants to, he's just a very spirited, high strung kid. As long as he's moving, playing, doing something fun, he's fine. The minute he needs to sit still for some time, be quieter, be composed (you know all the behaviors necessary to be a functioning part of society) or he doesn't get his way, all hell breaks lose. Maybe I'm being silly, all I have to compare him to is his older brother, who in all fairness is probably the more abnormal one. How many 6 year olds do you know who have never had a temper tantrum? But I see other kids Jack's age and see that they can sit at the dinner table, aren't screaming and crying, and who's parents seem relaxed. Not me, in fact, sometimes I feel on the verge of a panic attack when he displays these behaviors in public. Maybe I need some Xanax. Yeah, right, I can see it now. I'd be zoned out in la la land at a booth in Applebee's, while onlookers stared and glared at me for not noticing my son throwing his play dough at the innocent diners behind us. I'd be relaxed alright, but I also might get jumped in the parking lot for being such a stupid, oblivious mother and ruining some nice couples night out. But hey, if they wanted a quiet dinner for two, they shouldn't be eating at a family oriented, family friendly place like Applebee's anyway. Right? I know when my husband and I have a night out without the kids, we like to avoid just those very places. Give me a quiet, candle lit, Italian restaurant, that's unlikely to have children's menus, crayons, or dough to play with, Please. Anyways, I digress.
So without further ado, I'm asking for any and all advice. I don't need criticism, judgement or negativity, I just need advice and ideas. Tell me what you do that works. Tell me what you've tried, tell me what you've read, tell me what you've heard works for others. I love my precious Jack and want others to love him too and see him for his wonderful spirit and personality, not as a "bad kid." Til' next time, carry on.
I have two beautiful boys that are my life, they mean everything to me. After my first son Sam was born and was so easy going, good natured, well behaved, my husband and I thought, this parenting thing is a piece of cake, let's have another. So we did, we had our handsome, strong willed, expressive, loving, funny Jack. God love him. After about a year, we discovered much to our dismay, that we really had no idea what the heck we were doing in the parenting arena. Sam just happened to be "easy" and it had nothing to do with us or our wonderful parenting skills, darn it. That whole nature vs. nurture argument, I tend to lean towards the nature side. Don't get me wrong, I think parents are an essential part in molding, and teaching good behavior, morals and values and have a very significant impact on how their children will be as adults. But I also believe each child is different and comes with their own characteristics, personality traits and ways that are uniquely theirs. How else can two people have two children of the same sex, that are completely different? And would we even want them not to be different? The world we be a very boring place if everyone was the same. I love my children for their differences, they are both unique individuals who have wonderful traits and qualities about them.
Before I go on, I want to say what a loving, smart, talkative, charismatic little guy my Jack is. He is one of the funniest kids you could ever meet. He says and does the darnedest things. His latest, he's adopted some new phrases he likes to use. Not for any real reason, he just says them out of the blue. It's quite funny to be driving along and hear a little boy in the back saying out loud, but to no one in particular, "for crying out loud," (hmm wonder where he's heard that), or "SNUG as a BUG in a RUG," (emphasizing the caps). Also he does this rolling the eyes thing, that if he were a teenager you'd want to smack him, but from a two year old it's quite funny to say something he thinks is silly or has no meaning and have him roll his eyes to the side and grin. When he's asked a question, he looks up to the ceiling, puts his index finger on his cheek as if pondering life's most important questions and says, "ummmm, I can't remember." It's too darn funny, he's a hoot. I really couldn't ask for more. I have two healthy boys, that's the most important thing, bottom line. But at the same time, I need serious help with my precious little Jack. I want him to do well in school, have friends, and grow up to be a thriving, essential, good human being. I'll never forget the first time he had a temper tantrum. It was at home (thank god) on our kitchen floor and he was about 15 months old. Never having witnessed one myself because my older son had never had a tantrum before, you can imagine my shock and horror. My baby had morphed from cute little toddler, to Linda Blair from The Exorcist, minus the projectile green vomit and 180 degree head rotation, right before my very eyes. He was on the floor, like a limp noodle, kicking and screaming. What the hell is that, I thought to myself. Since then there have been many, many more just the same. I may sound light hearted and humorous about it and to some degree I am (sometimes humor is what gets you thru it) but now I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do. Minus corporal punishment, we've tried all the conventional techniques of disciplining. Positive reinforcement, ignoring bad behavior, taking toys/privileges away, and time out. At first I thought time out was the solution. In fact, Jack seems to like the 2 minutes of down time sometimes in the time out corner. He will seem so remorseful and say with the cutest, sincerest voice, " I'm sooooo sorry mom." Ahhh, I just want to melt. Cut to five minutes later, and he's doing the exact same thing that sent him to time out in the first place. It doesn't seem to sink in. I realize this is probably more my problem than his, something I'm doing is negating, encouraging, or allowing this to happen, that's why I'm asking for help. I've even been known to ward off near tantrums in other peoples kids easily using different techniques. Distraction, silly faces, silly talk, songs, even finding some hidden treasure in the crumb filled corners of my purse. These same things, just aren't as effective on my own child. I don't want my little Jack to be "the bad kid." Partly because I think children can start to live up to your expectations of them, even if, or especially if, they are negative. And partly because I don't think he's a bad kid, maybe I'm just a bad parent in that I don't know how to handle him or handle his behavior, maybe I'm doing it all wrong or even worse, causing it. Does that make sense? I feel guilty even talking about this. Recently a friend asked me, after seeing Jack's behavior in full swing, if I'd talked to my pediatrician about him, that maybe there was something wrong with him. I wasn't upset about that comment, but it did get me to thinking. I can't say it's never crossed my mind, maybe thinking he's possibly got a little ADHD. But after much pondering, I don't think that's it. He's smart, he can focus when he wants to, he's just a very spirited, high strung kid. As long as he's moving, playing, doing something fun, he's fine. The minute he needs to sit still for some time, be quieter, be composed (you know all the behaviors necessary to be a functioning part of society) or he doesn't get his way, all hell breaks lose. Maybe I'm being silly, all I have to compare him to is his older brother, who in all fairness is probably the more abnormal one. How many 6 year olds do you know who have never had a temper tantrum? But I see other kids Jack's age and see that they can sit at the dinner table, aren't screaming and crying, and who's parents seem relaxed. Not me, in fact, sometimes I feel on the verge of a panic attack when he displays these behaviors in public. Maybe I need some Xanax. Yeah, right, I can see it now. I'd be zoned out in la la land at a booth in Applebee's, while onlookers stared and glared at me for not noticing my son throwing his play dough at the innocent diners behind us. I'd be relaxed alright, but I also might get jumped in the parking lot for being such a stupid, oblivious mother and ruining some nice couples night out. But hey, if they wanted a quiet dinner for two, they shouldn't be eating at a family oriented, family friendly place like Applebee's anyway. Right? I know when my husband and I have a night out without the kids, we like to avoid just those very places. Give me a quiet, candle lit, Italian restaurant, that's unlikely to have children's menus, crayons, or dough to play with, Please. Anyways, I digress.
So without further ado, I'm asking for any and all advice. I don't need criticism, judgement or negativity, I just need advice and ideas. Tell me what you do that works. Tell me what you've tried, tell me what you've read, tell me what you've heard works for others. I love my precious Jack and want others to love him too and see him for his wonderful spirit and personality, not as a "bad kid." Til' next time, carry on.
Welcome to my Life
Welcome to my blog. This is my first post. It's really a blog about nothing, as I suspect most my posts will be. So I hope you'll read on and stay tuned, sometimes things about nothing, really are about something (remember Seinfeld). Usually pretty interesting stuff happens in everyday life. I like to think that's true for myself. The 2 year old toddler tantrum, the kindergarten woes, the not so perfect marriage, caring for others while not taking care of yourself. All in the life of a so-called modern day mom, right! I'm just trying to get through each day. Sometimes it's easy, other times, um um, not so much. Like when my 2-1/2 year old decided to use his red jello to paint the carpet and coffee table in the family room. Yeah, that was a fun day. NOT! All I did was use the bathroom ,(yes, even moms sometimes must do this), while he was innocently eating his lunch at the kitchen table, or so I thought. When I saw the mass destruction that Jack had ensued in a matter of minutes, I could not believe my eyes. It looked like someone had been bludgeoned in my own family room. While, Jack sat amidst his mess, looking like, "WHAT, what's the matter?" I wanted to hurt him, but there was no time, the red, melting jello was seeping it's way into my off white carpet (stupid, I know, off white carpet with a toddler)and in danger of leaving some serious damage. So hear me now, NEVER again will I attempt to use the bathroom in private (what was I thinking, we all know we give this up when we give birth), and NEVER again will red jello be served in my house. While I'm on the subject, don't you just miss using the bathroom in private? If you have a toddler you know what I'm talking about. My child can ignore me for hours, but as soon as I need to go the bathroom, he's right there, flipping the lid back and forth against my back, pulling the toilet paper off the roll into a mountain of white snow (why does this amaze them), pulling dirty things out of the trash can, or attempting to wash his hands by himself. Aaah, the days before kids, when one could pee in private....what memories. It never fails, the other time they can't resist to need something, is right when you get on the phone. Both of my kids are famous for this. Do all kids do this, or is it just mine that have no manners? Please tell me this is a universal problem.
Anyway, I got off topic, well kind of. I told you this would be about nothing. I hope future posts will actually have a topic. But for purposes of introduction, this is my life. I am not perfect, I screw up all the time. I am a mom of two handsome, smart boys that are my life (Jack, 2-1/2 and Sam almost 6), oh and I forgot about my other child, my hubby (age 34 going on 13). Yes, I am surrounded by testosterone. One day I swear to at least have a female dog. I am a part-time registered nurse for a large, reputable hospital and mostly a stay at home mom. My husband and I have been married almost 9 years, and counting. Just joking, lighten up. If you don't like the sarcasm and digs at my husband, I suggest you don't come back. Although I love him with all my heart, sometimes I just have to sucker punch him and that comes out as sarcastic jabs. Can't help it, that's just me. It's all in a loving, humorous, male bashing kind of way. I love my jobs, my family and my friends. It's my friends that keep me insane and allow me to remember who I am. Without them, I wouldn't be me. Luckily I have a close knit group of girlfriends who support and share with eachother. One of my best friends and fabulous, noted author, Kristina, inspired me to start this blog. With her blogs at http://parentcenter.babycenter.com, I found a personal freedom in reading about others lives, seeing myself in others, having a connection and commenting on them. I have always joked with her, that without her and my other girlfriends, I'd be divorced. There's just something special about the bond and connection some women share, that no man can come close to.
So enough about me, for now, there will be more to come, rest assured. The next time my little Jack decides to throw the mother of all tantrums and do the limp as a noddle thing in the middle of Target (how do they do that, is there some secret class for two year olds that teaches them that, how to feel like you weigh 150lbs?), you're sure to hear about it. Or the next time, my husband wants to play twenty something again and hang from the chandeliers naked, and I just feel like going to sleep, thus causing a fight, you'll probably hear about it. Or the next time some mom at the playground pisses me off with her unsolicited advice on how to be a better parent or passive-aggressive stares as if she's better than me, you'll probably hear about it. Or the next time, my lovely, dear in-laws annoys me to no end, you'll probably hear about. So hopefully you'll stay tuned and share your "life moments" with me when you can relate to my simplistic, ordinary, exciting, shocking everyday life. Til' next time, carry on.
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